we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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