he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
