I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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