okay pat passed out under dana's car
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
