I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
either way he was missing a nipple.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
