I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
