careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
