At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
