very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
