But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
