I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
