It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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