I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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