Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
