There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
