You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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