Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
