Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
