OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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