you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
