i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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