just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
