SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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