Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
