but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
