I accidentally had phone sex last night
thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish i was in the wii world.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
