i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
