My first STD was from a foam party
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
