We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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