I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
