I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
