Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
two words...techno handjob
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
