Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
