Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
