great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
