I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
