hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
