I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
