You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
