i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
