I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What drink are we having for lunch?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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