A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
