when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
