I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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