I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
