marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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