She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
