yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
