anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Four minutes until I can fart!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
