What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
