we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
